How about those kids?!

I have a 16yo and I of course, love her to death. She's an old soul. Sometimes acts like we've reversed our roles. She's at a point where I've started to let her make her own decisions and try not to boss her around too much. Unless she hasn't done her chores... or things like that. I mean, she can work now. Gotta treat her like a full grown adult. But letting go is hard. Like my mom has been with me, I have tried to raise her with honesty. Honesty in the sense where I would answer her 20 questions per minute as honest as I could. Regardless of what that question could be, and of course at a level she could understand. Not as a lil baby, but a young adult, if you will. Sometimes I feel we underestimate their intellectual and how much they really pick up. You don't really know until you try, so I always had a back up plan, in case what I'm trying to teach or say, gets taken the wrong way. Or if she just wasn't understanding it, but then I knew. Anyway, one day, she goes ... - Mom! Did you know dad has a penis?!! And you... have a vagina!! - Yep, he sure does and I sure do!

- And to make babies the penis goes into the vagina?!

- Yep! How funny huh?! What else did you learn today?! - But mom.. so that's how you made me?

- Yep! That's how it works!

- Oh.. ewwwww!! When you're older you won't think so. Ewwwww!! No.. I wasn't that honest!! But get the gist, right? I tried keeping it simple, but as factual as possible. Depending on how and what you say, it can help when it comes to disciplining or trying to get them to do something that's for their own good. - Alright, it's time for bed!

- But I'm not tired.

- You'll be cranky tomorrow morning, you'll be so angry and frustrated with everything. If you wanna have an amazing day you need a good night's rest. Plain and simple. You do want to have an amazing day tomorrow, right?!

- Well...Yeah, but..

- Ok awesome! Let's figure out what you're gonna wear tomorrow. Believe it or not, at least 90% of the time this worked for her. Obviously the earlier I started this lil battle, the better. Figuring out what to wear does not get easier as you age. But Only a handful of times have I had to tell her "Because I said so". Only a handful of times have I had to say "Because I'm the adult, I'm the parent so you need to respect that". Do they ever test you though. But that's fine. We've all been there. We've all been that child. It's what we did. Most of us anyways. I know some just didn't bother asking questions because their parents said so. To each their own. Whatever worked. I mean kids will sometimes get snappy. They're testing their boundaries. And Patience is a virtue, not one I own, exactly. I have not needed to use any violence and being a latina mom well.. I have the latin eyes... which apparently is even scarier. And pretty effective. And Every child is so different. With their own little attitude and personality, sometimes all you want to do is protect them. But you don't want to scare them from the outside world either. You want them to be themselves. You want them to be brave. So.. the common theme in everything. Love. You just have to make sure that they know you love them.

As often as you have to tell them this. As often as you have to show them this. When they make mistakes they will know you are there for them. When they feel lost or afraid they will know you are there for them. Because they'll know you love them. They will use that to succeed. They will use that to be brave. They will use that to get up when they're down. I find they are always looking for approval, acceptance and love. It doesn't matter the age. It doesn't matter how many times you've told them or shown them either. The level of needing this does decrease as they age, but they still seek these things. They're only human, after all. And because they're human, all these things you've tried to teach them throughout their childhood, adolescence and even into adulthood, they will always have their doubts about who they are and who they want to be. They themselves will get tested. Adolescence is one of the toughest stages we all go through.

Hormones. Friends. The outside world. Life. This is where they need you to be stern but also kind and understanding. Communication is key. Always. Since they're little. They'll get used to talking to you. Because they'll see you really care about what they're doing at school, with friends. They'll trust you, with everything. And you get to learn about them and help guide them. Make no mistake, do not judge them or tell them what to do, give your opinion and appreciate theirs. Together you will figure things out. Adolescence is also a time where you learn that as much as you want to hold onto them, they are really becoming their own person, with their own thoughts and beliefs. You are needed but not that much. You want to be needed but also, not that much. We want them to be strong, but again, we also want to protect them. Some of us will have our own ideas on how to raise them based on how we were raised. Some base it on what we read or what we learn from second hand experience. Maybe a mixture of all. The fact is, there's no such thing as perfect parenting because we humans are not perfect. Ultimately, if your child knows you love them, if they are kind to others and just being the best they can be - what more can one ask for? Just love.

To my girl. Just like that you were born. Just like that you were loved. Each day you grew, my heart grew with you. I didn't know what I was doing but I knew I loved you. So I let love guide me. I know you will succeed in whatever you choose to pursue in life. I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made as a mother along the way, and I hope that if anything, they've taught you to become a better person than me. I hold so much pride in my heart for you that you could never disappoint. Your kindness, humour and energy is contagious. Your heartwarming and thoughtful gestures do not go unnoticed. All I want for you is that you find your happiness. I want you to prosper against all adversity and any injustice this world may throw at you. I want you to get back up on your own when you fall. But also know I am here for you. Always.

You will forever be my baby girl.