Remember when we were kids - maybe you didn't but I know I did - we would pick a flower and let it decide if the person you "loved" - "loved you back" and all by torturing it as we ripped away on each petal? To be young and naive. But funny enough how as you age, although we don't rely on a flower anymore - that much we have grown - we can sometimes act and feel like a child when you find yourself falling in love! Falling in love is a fun time. It can also be nerve-wracking and maybe even scary for some. But mostly a fun and happy time. Did you find the one? Could this be it? What questions do you ask yourself to help decide that? Sure, one normally just lives their lives, and it so happens that years later you're still together, but at some point, you will ask yourself this. Not the marriage question, not everyone is into that, but the "Am I committing to this person, do I want to live the rest of my days with them?" Do they want to live the rest of their days with me? Which do you question first? Hopefully it's the former. Being in love with someone is a wonderful feeling and you feel complete when it's being returned. Do they treat you well? Do you feel loved? The thing I find with falling in love is a lot of the times you tend to put them first. And you tend to be forgiving of the little things that you don't really care for at the beginning. Until years later you're like.. I did not sign myself up for this! But I bet you that there had been signs. You know, those red flags. Love can be blinding. When I was young, putting others in front of your own happiness was praised. Almost like it was the way to go, and loving yourself first, putting yourself in front of others, was vain. One could say, almost selfish even. And the thing is, when you don't love yourself, you let bad things happen to you. I mean why wouldn't you? Why would you deserve only the best? When you don't think you deserve it? It's a "what can I do to make you happy - regardless of how it makes me feel - I just want to make sure you're good!" mentality. Then, without even realizing it you get taken advantage of. But you do it out of love for them. Eventually, it gets old. Emotionally draining. It just doesn't work. You can't help others if you're not feeling your best. You can't truly love another person, if you can't find it in you, to love yourself. I've spoken about us having a foundation, an essence. And I've also talked about change. One thing I find that hardly changes in one person is their foundation. We all have an underlying base that helps us choose between right and wrong and thus, how we behave. Sometimes one can lose this, especially when they're in a relationship where they are the submissive person or are treated in a way where they feel they have no choice but to act differently than how they would normally act. Then one asks themselves, how did I get myself into this? There had been signs. Red flags. But Love is blinding. Sometimes it takes a broken heart to open your eyes to your reality. Was it even love? Or did you just love the attention? Maybe you just loved giving it? Love is beautiful. Plain and simple. It's about two people complimenting each other. Doing things for each other.
Overcoming obstacles together. It's also understanding and accepting each other's imperfections. When you learn to love yourself, it makes it easier to find "the one". Because you realize you deserve the best. Because you, yourself, are the best. You are caring. You are compassionate.
You are, for all intents and purposes, love. So don't expect anything less in return. He loves me, he loves me not.
Wrong question, kids.
Wrong question.
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